I don't know

I just realized that I've never spent Christmas before with any of my loves one before. But 1 thing I know for sure is that I've spent New Year with the one I loved once. The very first time I got to spend New years with was with you. I remembered the kiss that we had and the silly thing that I did to falling asleep while watching Tourist with you. I just can't stop myself to think about us when I see things that reminds me of you.

From Twilight to surprising you with roses to Inshin to a failed movie plan to your house for HIMYM. I could remember every single details of our journey.

I thought it'd be a never ending story, but I guess forever is a myth after all.
Know that, he's just a fling. He won't love you like I do. But I wish all that I think I know is just another mistake. I wouldn't want to watch you get hurt. Good luck girl! I'll be there when you need me the most.... If I'm the one you'll come to.




Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.

Just want to see you in the wedding dress

From tequila to twilight, my life began to shine. Every memory that we once had will always haunt me. Seems like I somehow mix my own schedule with yours. I didn't know that you were leaving for the camp today. I thought I'd surprise you with movie tickets, and a bag full of your fav food to bring before you go for the camp. Though I've never like watching twilight, but this was the movie that we went for on our very first date. I miss you







I see you with your man and it's hard to understand
If we belong, if I did you wrong, where we even began
We would always fuss and fight and it seems nothing was right
But I loved you girl and you were my world but you'd never trust this guy
'Cause the things I do when I'm on the stage, they say I'm a superstar
You couldn't understand all the female fans and then we grew apart
And I just don't get when you're acting like some other person
But I try my best to hold on at the times when it ain't working
And everytime that you say it's over it breaks my heart and I don't know why
'Cause you've done it a lot of times in the past but I get back up and try
You said we could work it out, how could you hurt me now
And you moved on to the next, I'm left with an imperfect smile

This feeling is like none other than

I've been staring at the screen for a full 10minutes thinking of what to write. This is the only place I could express myself without letting anyone know what's going on. Today, I came work and not spilled even a single word to anyone. Walked right into the office and teared, for no particular reason. I know this feeling because I've felt this before and I know how it will end.

I looked at all 2787 of our messages from before and I just wish we could talk like that again. From all the messages, I see the process of our relationship. From us being strangers to a lovey dovey couple to our first break up, how hard you've tried to get back together and breaking up again and how I manage to get you back and how we broke up again for the third time. I miss every single thing about us. I could forgive everything that you've done just to have you back in my arms.

My heart is very very fragile at the moment. I could just break down any moment and I don't want that to happen. For I know, I'm not strong enough to put up with any of this, especially when I'm at work.

My eyes are swollen from all the crying. My stomach is rejecting everything I eat. My chest hurts everytime I cough. This feels really miserable. I don't know what I can do to make things better.

You've asked me to give you 1-2 weeks time alone to think about everything. Not just about us, about yourself as well. I somehow could predict the answer because I've always good at guessing things that are bad. I know how this will end up but I hope I'm wrong this time. Just for once, let miracle shine upon me and give me the chance to love you the way I should from the start.

Both of us are im-prefect humans. We tend to make mistakes. Therefore, we should get to know each other better from now and accept each other's flaws.

I love the way you eat.
I love the way you smile.
I love the way you talk me in to things.
I love the way you hug me to sleep.
I love the way you show me your love by doing disgusting things.
I love the way you kiss me.
I love the way you love me back.

I love everything about you. You've been the only one I think about when I wake up and before I go to bed. You're the one I'm willing to spend my hard earn money with. You're the one I always try to surprise just to see that smile of yours. You're the one whom I see in my future with. You are my only one.

You made me fragile.
You made me angry at silly things.
You made me do and say stupid things.
You made me who I am right now.
You made me to open my heart to love again.

I am clueless now. I feel so useless and defenseless. All I can do now is just sit and cry like a girl wishing you'd call or text. Now I only how you feel when I've done this before to you. This suck!

You can tell me you hate me, you can tell me to go away, you can hit me with that tiny hands of yours that can crush nothing but my heart, but I'll never stop saying I love you.
Come back to me and we'll walk this path TOGETHER again, but wiser.




Clueless and heartbroken,
wei jun

Never Again

I'm telling myself. Today will be the end of everything. Never again I will let myself be vulnerable to love.

:'(

Have you ever love and miss somebody wishing there's a chance to say I love you?

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

One day, you'll miss me like I missed you.
One day, you'll cry for me like I cried for you.
One day, you'll love me like I loved you and I won't love you the same.

IMY

I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with.
I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well.
I miss you when I laugh and cry because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear.
I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with eachother;for those were some of the best times of my life.

Just a lil bit more and we could complete the sentence

Don't be a DRAG just be a Queen

I don't know if you've ever felt my love. If you didn't, I'm sorry that I loved you in a wrong way. I've always thought that we would achieve something in 5 years. As promised, I've worked really hard to be where I am right now. Is what we always watch in TV always right? One can never achieve in both relationship and career at the same time? My parents always told me not to learn anything from the TV because it is all *&)^)*&* and what do you know? For once, the TV is right. Frankly speaking, I really do love you with all my heart. Ask everyone I know and listen to what I've said to them before. Even to those dislike you, I've defended you. I don't know why tears just can't seem to come out even if I wanted it to so badly right now. I want to cry my lungs out but I just can't. This is much worse that what you're going through. You might think that you are the pithiest person on earth bitching to the whole world bout how I mistreated you as my girlfriend and all the shits you've put up with me but guess what, the feeling is mutual. Have you ever tried being in a position where you're too sad to even cry? Words get stuck in your throat before you can even spill it out? Insomnia? Dreaming bout the same thing over and over again? Waking up every 1 hour during sleep and check if any1 called? Going to work and pretend like nothing happened? I am a human being too. I need someone to go through this with me. But guess what? I think I can handle this just fine because to me, all this is just dejavu from 4 years ago. I try to be optimistic bout things. Sometime I tell myself, WOOWEIJUN why can't you just forgive her and pretend like nothing happened? I DID TRY but guess what?Everytime I go into your facebook and twitter, I see things that I don't want to and you just keep disappointing me every single time. I don't know what you want in life and I don't know how to help you anymore because I'm really exhausted. I want someone who can hug me in her arms and tell me "Everything will be fine. Just bare with things and eventually, things will go smoothly" Whenever I'm all stressed out with work. These small petty petty things is what I need.

I love you, I miss you and I want you back so badly before today.

But you've only bought a 1 way ticket to my heart. There's no return to where you've gone right now. All I want you to know is that you were the one whom I thought I can spend my lifetime with.