This feeling is like none other than

I've been staring at the screen for a full 10minutes thinking of what to write. This is the only place I could express myself without letting anyone know what's going on. Today, I came work and not spilled even a single word to anyone. Walked right into the office and teared, for no particular reason. I know this feeling because I've felt this before and I know how it will end.

I looked at all 2787 of our messages from before and I just wish we could talk like that again. From all the messages, I see the process of our relationship. From us being strangers to a lovey dovey couple to our first break up, how hard you've tried to get back together and breaking up again and how I manage to get you back and how we broke up again for the third time. I miss every single thing about us. I could forgive everything that you've done just to have you back in my arms.

My heart is very very fragile at the moment. I could just break down any moment and I don't want that to happen. For I know, I'm not strong enough to put up with any of this, especially when I'm at work.

My eyes are swollen from all the crying. My stomach is rejecting everything I eat. My chest hurts everytime I cough. This feels really miserable. I don't know what I can do to make things better.

You've asked me to give you 1-2 weeks time alone to think about everything. Not just about us, about yourself as well. I somehow could predict the answer because I've always good at guessing things that are bad. I know how this will end up but I hope I'm wrong this time. Just for once, let miracle shine upon me and give me the chance to love you the way I should from the start.

Both of us are im-prefect humans. We tend to make mistakes. Therefore, we should get to know each other better from now and accept each other's flaws.

I love the way you eat.
I love the way you smile.
I love the way you talk me in to things.
I love the way you hug me to sleep.
I love the way you show me your love by doing disgusting things.
I love the way you kiss me.
I love the way you love me back.

I love everything about you. You've been the only one I think about when I wake up and before I go to bed. You're the one I'm willing to spend my hard earn money with. You're the one I always try to surprise just to see that smile of yours. You're the one whom I see in my future with. You are my only one.

You made me fragile.
You made me angry at silly things.
You made me do and say stupid things.
You made me who I am right now.
You made me to open my heart to love again.

I am clueless now. I feel so useless and defenseless. All I can do now is just sit and cry like a girl wishing you'd call or text. Now I only how you feel when I've done this before to you. This suck!

You can tell me you hate me, you can tell me to go away, you can hit me with that tiny hands of yours that can crush nothing but my heart, but I'll never stop saying I love you.
Come back to me and we'll walk this path TOGETHER again, but wiser.




Clueless and heartbroken,
wei jun